So I saw a website of a 'one woman show' woman... she was in our group of friends, when growing up within a church youth group, 20 years ago. Yes. I felt insanely jealous having come across her 2 websites and the fact that she had 4 or 5 different roles/jobs - within the 'elite' of the British evangelical world. Yes. I wondered how I was still in a position of regret, sitting around waiting for life to happen, feeling guilty for just about everything in life, weight gain, not swimming or dancing depsite those things being my strong point. Assigning my wasted life to feeling sorry for myself and sitting on my arse all day! Waiting, waiting. Oh so much waiting. I WANT our daughter to be happy, contented, talented, clever, loving, able to swim, cycle, be sociable, loving, caring, be herself. Hmmmmm. I am being the typical yummy mummy....... oh and feel that familiar guilt again. She started and stopped ballet classes FOUR times so far. Such a bad mum that I am! Flute lessons start at school for her in September. Can we afford it? Dunno. We work 16 hours/week between us, so not exactly raking it in! Uuurrghhh I am SO focussed on money! ALL the time! But no money thus no life (???) thus depression thus guilt thus depression and so it goes on......... Yet, DOES God see us for our achievements? In my mind it seems that many of us think so. The whole of the Western world sees it that way I think. The majority of the developing world less likely to - more likely to rely on survival I should say.

Ok. So it's VERY late. Shall carry on another time..............